Family Love.. not there

Well ever since I was a little girl I realized I was never really "loved" by my family and it's not like my family just didn't know how to love. They just didn't know how to love me I was the forgotten one... well not forgotten just there to be made fun of. I never had confidence as a child I just always smiled because that's just me. I never liked the way I was treated but I just accepted it for what it was because I had friends who cared not to many but enough to keep me going. Then I moved away from everything that kept me going and it seems like they have moved on in life with out me like a page in their scrapbook. I made new friends yes but I don't know them well enough for them to be there and well I am mute. Not as talkative just sit there and act like nothing is wrong and they don't realize because they don't know me. I just wish I could find that one person that's going to always be there. One day I will and that will keep me going till the day I die even if I don't find that person.

My Little Angel

When I was in 4th grade I experienced the worst tragedy of my life. It turned my world upside down and I was never the same girl again. I remember the whole day and now at 16 it runs through my head practically every week. This is what happened It was your basic day in 4th grade we had are Reading, Science, and then uh-oh Math totally forgot my homework then a savior came on the intercom saying "Mrs. Neal please dismiss _____________ from class she is getting checked out." I was so excited that I was getting out of that situation and young naive me thinking I had a doctor's appointment. I walked in the office I see my mom and had a huge smile on my face that turned to a frown really quickly. My mom was crying and I look to my left and see my cousin there, also crying. So I quickly start to ask questions "Whats wrong mom?" "why is Alex here?" she goes I will tell you in the car. Then we get in the car I look at her her mouth is open trying to tell me whats wrong and before she could say anything I go "Is it Great Grandma?" and she then said "Its, Edy....." I couldn't believe what I was hearing it just couldn't be her I mean she was only 3 how is that possible, I just saw her 2 days ago? But it was her she had died in her sleep the night before you see she had Epilepsy and she died of Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy patients(SUDEP) and this tore me up for 5 years till I was able to say her name without crying. It was so bad I had to see the school counselor once a week for the rest of the 4th grade and I still cry every once in awhile but not when I tell this story it's when I think about how I am slowly not thinking of her everyday and slowly forgetting her voice but she will always be here for me and the one thing that I have as a special bond with her is the first word she said was my name and I will always treasure that.   
                                                                    Tales from a Heartbroken Teen

First Love.... First Heartbreak

I always thought love was stupid growing up. I thought my friends were just over reacting when they would cry over a guy or keep running back to him no matter how jerky he was and saying "but I love him!" and I always told me self thats never going to be me running to the guy just being a total jerk to me or leading me on just toying with me. It worked out for the longest time until I met my first love, He was sweet, funny, kind, tall and handsome. He always knew what to say and when to say it but then the worst thing could happen we both ended up moving to a different area. We were both heartbroken until he called me out of the blue saying he moved back, and yes I know I was still gone but only 2 hours away so we tried it. It didn't work out to our advantages because I always hated going back there because it was never the same as when I left but I let him down soft and he showed me a side I never wanted to see of him I heard names no one has ever called me was being accused of being heartless and never cared for him. It tore me up inside and out luckily my girlfriends were there and we were already at the mall shopping so that helped a bit. Then they were telling me he was a jerk and he didn't deserve me but, I found myself saying the same thing I hated when girls said it which was "but I love him!" Then I finally got over him and there was this guy I have been liking since the second day of my new school because, he offered to walk me to class gentlemen right, well he kept leading me on and then pushing me away like hardcore, and all my friends kept telling me to stop going back. I would agree with them and say yeah but the moment he would say something my heart would melt and I would give in. Then finally we started to date and it took a WEEK for him to dump me... I was crushed, Then a few days later he text me and I'm trying not to pay him any attention but its hard when he is so cute and giving me compliments but we talked it out and turns out he just has commitment issues and he is going to work on them for a bit and maybe try us out again :)
                                                                              Tales From a Heartbroken Teen